okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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