Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
