it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize