he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
