I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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