So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
