Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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