im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
