I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
