I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
