It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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