why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
