Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
