I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
