i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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