Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Come share oat with me in your robe
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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