you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
