butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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