Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
