I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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