How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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