i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you still have your period?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the liver wants what the liver wants
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
