I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
