he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Randomize
