she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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