Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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