I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Boobs speak an international language.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
