My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
