The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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