can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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