I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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