Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if only i could text you this smell
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
