so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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