is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
