The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
