Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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