You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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