I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
