I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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