After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
