I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
