Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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