I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
