I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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