Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
