last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
soo... how was my night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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