I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
