Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
