We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
