I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In other news, I just burned my penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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