My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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