I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
