You made me cry and you don't even care
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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