it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
