He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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