How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
