I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i out mim tonsoeep
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