our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
