he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
