Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
