I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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