he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
