UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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