I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
