i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Vodka?
Forever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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