there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
