I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
