Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
