just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
