I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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