she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
