Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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