When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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