Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
