Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
