Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
