Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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