EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
