there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
