I just made out with a guy for $7.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
