i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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