oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
