idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
