So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
