its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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