Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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