sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
