Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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