I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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