and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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