Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
