yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
