You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize