dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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