Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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