And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
