You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dear god my vagina.
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