do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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