like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
