i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
