i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
