nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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