I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
