i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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