I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
