did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
