I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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